You’ve just met someone! It wasn’t just his smile, but how you talked for hours, and, let’s face it, the way he looked in those jeans! You’re still thinking about him. You both exchanged numbers, but now what? Should you shoot him a text first? What if he doesn’t text back?
Texting a guy first can seem scary. However, rewarding experiences often come with risk, and this shouldn’t scare you off. When asking yourself, “Should I text a guy first?” keep in mind that there are many reasons to do it.
Should I Text First?
Absolutely! Texting a guy first can lead to something incredible—a romantic dinner or a fun time hanging out. It’s easy to be afraid of showing interest. However, texting a guy first is an excellent move for many reasons.
You’ll cut short your agony. Sometimes you just have to pull off the bandage; it’ll be over quickly. Besides, uncertainty is worse than not knowing the truth, good or bad. Someone has to break the ice. Why can’t it be you? If he doesn’t text back or says he isn’t interested, at least you’ll know.
It shows your true confidence. By sending the first text, you might set yourself apart from other women, which will likely impress him. More important, being confident just feels good. Knowing that you have the conviction to ask for what you want is empowering and feminine.
It establishes honesty. Waiting a pre-determined number of days to send the first text might not reflect how you typically operate. Just tell the truth and text something like, “I really enjoyed talking to you last night” if that’s how you really feel. If he feels the same way, he’ll let you know. It’s never too early to establish openness and honesty, especially if the connection leads to something more.
He won’t be interested forever. Besides being an honesty killer, playing the waiting game will only cool things off. Don’t assume he’ll wait a long time for you to get in touch with him. He might forget about you, and you might lose sight of what drew you to him in the first place.
He might be a little clueless. It’s possible that your dream guy isn’t good at taking a hint. When you last talked to him, perhaps he didn’t realize how into him you were, despite your best flirty behaviors. In fact, holding off on a text might lead him to believe that you’re not interested at all. What a shame that would be, so get on it!
It might be a turn-on. Many men like women who are willing to make the first move. For the shy ones, it can be a breath of fresh air not to have to make the first contact. For other guys, your texting first suggests that you know what you want and aren’t afraid to go for it.
He might be waiting on you. Women who hold more traditional values might expect the man to make the first move. Expecting it, however, won’t necessarily make it happen. Not all guys think that way. Maybe he’s the one who’s afraid of coming on too strong, bothering you, or seeming desperate. Therefore, put his fears to rest and text him already!
How to Text a Guy First?
You’ve decided to take the leap and text him first. Great! Now, how do you do it so that your efforts don’t backfire? Don’t fret; you’ll know what to text a guy first. Take a moment, remember why you like him, and consider the following tips.
“Hi” won’t cut it. You know you’re an interesting person; just make sure he sees it, too. Texting a one-word greeting like “Hey” could be yawn-inducing, and it won’t keep his interest.
There’s nothing wrong with, “Hi,” at first, but follow up with substance. Try spawning a back-and-forth exchange: “Hi there. I really enjoyed our conversation last night. Any chance we could pick up where we left off?” If you’re feeling bold, suggest an activity based on something he previously mentioned: “I know you said you’re into action movies. How about we check out the latest flick by [insert action movie director].” You might score points by remembering one of his interests.
If you’re still too hesitant to ask for a next date, keep it a little ambiguous, but always interesting. Try a conversation-starter: “That band we heard last night was good. Have you heard them before?” In this case, you’re bringing something up about your previous encounter and continuing the good vibes.
Send just one text–maybe two. Suppose you send the first text and say, “I had a great time shooting the breeze with you last night.” It’s probably okay to follow up with a second message: “Maybe we can get together for coffee sometime.” After that, resist the urge to text again until you hear back.
Seriously, don’t send more texts! Even if you don’t hear back right away, stop right there. Maybe he’s busy; if he’s interested, he’ll get back to you. However, if you blow up his phone with 15 texts, his interest will dissolve quickly. Save the multiple messages for when you actually start dating. For now, back off.
Make it brief. The first text is not the time for an essay. Keep it to a sentence or two. There’s no need to bombard the guy with copious content right away.
Limit the emojis. You’re not swapping smileys or poop emojis with your best friend just to check in. What you text first to the guy should mean something, and excessive emojis could diminish that. Also, some emojis are hard to see on the smartphone screen, and a string of emojis might be too difficult for him to interpret. A simple “Thanks for the drink. I had a great time” is much more effective than hearts, googly eyes, and a thumbs up.
Use correct grammar. Writing clearly, and without errors or shortcuts, won’t make you appear stiff and snobbish. It’ll confirm that you’re an adult, not a ten-year-old. Don’t make him try to decipher, “R U free 2nite?” Put on your grown-up pants and just come out and say it.
When Is It a Bad Idea to Text a Guy?
You might think there are times when you shouldn’t text a guy, and you’d be correct. Sometimes, being the first to text or to text at all is a bad idea. Here are some situations when it might be best to stay digitally silent.
You’re drunk. We’ve all likely heard horror stories about drunk texts. Those are the kinds of messages that horrify us after the fact and make us wish we hadn’t sent them in the first place. When you’re intoxicated, you’re less inhibited, and you might text something you wish you could take back later on.
You’re upset. We also might say or text regrettable things when we’re hot under the collar. Anger can compel us to say things we otherwise wouldn’t mean, and subsequently sabotage a relationship. If you’re truly upset with the guy and need to talk to him, wait until you’re face-to-face. Even with emojis, texts can be too abstract and lead to misunderstandings, making things even worse. Before you’re tempted to angry-text, cool down first.
You have nothing interesting to say. A simple “Hi” might be okay a couple of times, but he’ll lose interest if that’s your typical way of communicating. If you can’t think of anything interesting to tell him, just hold off until you do. It’ll make texting more valuable and enjoyable for you both.
It’s only been five minutes. Getting a text immediately after parting ways could bombard him, and so could texting him again before he gets a chance to respond. Of course, you might be anxious to text right after a fantastic date, but let the good feelings sink it, and give yourself and him a chance to get some sleep. A good rule of thumb is to wait until the next day before texting.
Final Thoughts
It’s sometimes risky to text a guy first. You’re sticking your neck out, and you might experience rejection. Avoiding something you really want to do, however, can lead to missing other potentially rewarding opportunities. If you really like the guy, go ahead and text him first. Just use some common sense. Remember, you’ve got this!
