It’s been a while since you last texted that guy. Perhaps it was a relationship that didn’t end well, or maybe he didn’t text back after your first date. Maybe you were the one who dropped the ball and now you’d like to talk again. No matter the reason, you’re not sure how to text someone after a long time, or even if it’s been too long.
It can feel risky to text someone back after it’s been so long since you last communicated. It’s easy just to procrastinate, but the longer you wait, the harder it’ll be. Take heart because there are several ways to take the first step.
How to Get Him Interested Again through Text
Text Him Directly
When calling the guy seems too scary, a direct text will do, especially if you were close to your guy or had a great connection with him in the past. It can be as simple as asking him how his day is going or how he’s been in general. This also can be an excellent time to see if he wants to get together to catch up.
Try not to be overly emotional or to pour your heart out at this point. Your initial text should be light-hearted and more on the casual side.
Hi, there! How have you been?
Hi. Haven’t heard from you in a while.
Hey, stranger. Thought of you today. [insert emoji]
Use a Past Connection
One way to lure a guy back over text is to bring up something that connected you both in the past. This can be a sports team you both followed or a favorite movie theater. It’s a great way to test his true feelings.
Did you see the NBA final last night? I remember how you always like following the play-offs.
I went by that park where we had lunch once. Seeing it again made me think of you.
I started re-watching Breaking Bad. I had fun bingeing that show with you.
I’m having pasta at our favorite restaurant. Maybe you can join me sometime.
Try a Conversation Starter
If you can muster the courage to send a guy a text after a long dry spell, make you you encourage a real exchange. Ask a question that elicits more than a “Hey” or “yes/no” response.
Where did you say I should get Ethiopian takeout again?
Hey! Who’s that band you were talking about a couple of weeks ago?
Just finished The Scarlet Letter, and I need another Hawthorne book. Any recommendations?
The next dinner is on me if you can answer these three trivia questions. Up for it?
Let Him Know You’ve Been Thinking of Him
Maybe the guy has just been busy, or he falsely assumes you’re not interested in him anymore. Let him know you’re still thinking of him. That just might be the spark he needs for a renewed connection. At this point, be light and somewhat informal in your text. You’re still just breaking the ice.
Hey, how have you been? I was just thinking of the fun conversations we had over the summer.
Long time, no text. What have you been up to?
I just heard your favorite song on the radio.
Hey stranger, you crossed my mind, and I thought I’d say hi [insert emoji]
Text Him Something Funny
Humor is a low-pressure way to get a guy’s attention if you haven’t heard from him in a while. Reference an inside joke, send a funny meme, or just send a witty text. At the very least, it might make him smile, which will remind him why you’re a great catch!
How long has it been since we ate that clown-themed ice cream in Santa Fe? [laughing emoji]
Going out with my girlfriends. Hope I don’t drunk-text you later . . . unless you want me to. [winky emoji]
Not sure whether to start this text with “Hello,” a compliment, or a pick-up line. Your choice.
Saw a spider in my sink. I miss having my bug squasher around.
Suggest Getting Together
It can be tempting to suggest a date when you try to reconnect over text. It’s a viable option if you’ve reconnected and have been texting back and forth. In fact, it’s a good idea to suggest getting together at some point. Otherwise, your guy stays your digital pen pal and, inevitably, fades away again.
It’s tempting to suggest an activity or venue that you both are used to. Instead, try something different to establish a new connection. Try a new restaurant or suggest a new activity instead of the same thing you’ve done on previous dates.
How about getting together for a drink? I know this new bar that opened up, and I think you’d like it.
Wanna meet for happy hour after work? Don’t think we’ve ever done a happy hour before.
Hey. It’s been a while since we last talked. Wanna meet for coffee? It would be a nice change from beer.
Use Social Media
If a direct approach like texting seems too risky for you, try using social media. This tactic can be a productive way to reconnect with a guy. Social media can help you ramp up the courage to text him directly.
Like or retweet. One tactic is to like or retweet something your guy posts. Liking and retweeting might remind him of you, and it might prompt him to get in touch. Be genuine and don’t like or retweet everything he posts; it’ll make you look like a stalker. Just do it every few days or so.
Leave a comment in addition to your retweet or like, leave a comment and do it early, so he’s more likely to read it. Post a question or something creative that might compel him to respond. Be yourself in your posting. Only like, retweet, or comment when you’re genuinely moved to do it or if something genuinely interests you.
Hey, I just saw your graduation picture on Facebook. Congratulations! What’s next for you?
I saw that you visited Alhambra recently. I was there last year. Wasn’t it amazing?!!
You saw the Mavericks in concert? I’m so jealous! Don’t they put on a great show?
That meme was the funniest thing I’ve seen all week. Where do you find these?
Event invitation. Through sites like Google and Facebook, you can create an “event” and send invitations to an actual event you’re hosting or attending. For example, if you’re planning to attend a live music show, invite your guy if you think he’d enjoy it. You also can use this kind of platform to let your guy know about an event you’re having.
Hey, my friends and I are having an end-of-semester party next Saturday. It would be great if you could make it.
The Coffee Emporium has a slam poetry reading tomorrow. I’m going? Are you?
Follow Up After an Event or Meeting
If you happened to run into your guy at a gathering, you might text him a day or so later. Tell him it was great to see him, and ask him what he thought of the event. It doesn’t have to be a formal event; follow up if you saw and talked to him at a restaurant or while you were out walking. Use this pretext to suggest talking or getting together later.
Hey, it was an expected surprise to see you at church last Sunday. What did you think of the sermon?
At least I know you still like getting a beer at Jake’s. Wanna meet me there sometime?
Hope I didn’t make you late for your meeting when we stopped to talk. Great seeing you.
Rules for Texting Someone after a Long Time
Give Him an Out
Texting a guy after a while can seem stressful. With this in mind, consider his feelings as well. It’s best not to put pressure on a guy, especially if you’re not sure why the texts have fizzled out. That said, give him an out in case he’s not interested. He might appreciate an easy way to not respond and not have to reject you outright.
Just thinking about you. Give me a holler back if you want.
How have you been? I’d love to hear from you when you get a chance.
Hey, I’m going to the Coffee Emporium around 2:00 to do some writing. If you have some time, I’d love to see you there.
Keep the Conversation Going
After you have broken the ice, keep stoking the conversational fire. Encourage a back-and-forth exchange by responding to his texts with interest and thoughtfulness. Also, ask him open-ended questions or make statements that will get more than simple or lazy responses from him.
I didn’t know you moved to a new apartment. How do you like it?
You have a busy job, don’t you? What do you have going on today?
What do you like about living in [city]?
It really stormed here. How much snow did you get last night?
Mirror His Texting Behaviors
Do your best to match the length of his texts. Also, mirror the time he takes to respond to you. If he takes at least an hour to answer your text, don’t jump on your phone just after five seconds to answer his messages. Follow his lead for now.
Ask Yourself Why
If you’ve been into a guy and he’s the one who hasn’t texted back, that’s on him. However, if you’re the one who hasn’t texted lately, ask yourself two questions.
First, why did you lose contact with him? Did life just happen? Did you get really busy? In this case, you’re in an excellent position to reach out and see what happens. On the other hand, did one or both of you lose interest? Did he ghost you? If so, you might want to think twice about texting him again. There’s a chance he might not want a text from you.
Second, why do you want to reconnect with him? Is he truly exceptional, or are you just lonely? Take an inventory of your intentions before making the leap, especially if thinking about this guy distracts you from other great guys you could be meeting. Maybe this one is in your past for a reason.
It’s Been a While. How Long Is Too Long?
Unfortunately, there’s no hard-and-fast rule for knowing how long is too long to text someone back. A lot of it depends on the expectations you developed when you were texting. For example, if he used to respond to your texts within a day, but now it’s been more than a week, then perhaps he’s lost interest. Go ahead and send him another quick text, but if you don’t hear from him, it probably wasn’t meant to be.
It can feel overwhelming to figure out how to text someone after a long time. But if you think he’s worth it, go for it. If you’re still feeling shy, just text the kind of message you’d send a new friend. You’ll rekindle some lost romance or get final closure. Either way, you’ll win.